Love is seen as many things. It can be an emotion, a feeling, a behavior, or a motivation. Being a foster parent combines all of these – and more. It is a deep intrinsic drive evolving into action, from which society benefits. This is the kind of love Kelly brought to her role as a foster parent.

For Kelly and her husband Joey, their journey into fostering began in New Jersey with fostering animals – dogs and cats. It was fulfilling and a wonderful start to share the love they wanted to give. In time, they knew they had the ability to give this love to children who crucially needed it. Over three years they fostered multiple children.  Kelly says, “We love quickly.”

The journey begins

Kelly’s journey as a foster mom began with Zee. “I had reservations – I didn’t know the bio parents. I wasn’t sure how they would feel about me.” One day during a visitation, Zee met his grandfather. Kelly watched the two quickly bond. “The grandfather was down on the floor, playing with Zee, lifting him up in the air. Zee giggling the whole time.” Kelly laughs joyfully recalling the meeting. “It just felt so right for them to be together.” Zee was a bubbly, joyful boy and instantly loved his grandfather. Kelly and her husband were sorry to see him go, but it was “the best choice for Zee and his grandfather. Today, Zee is doing very well, and he considers his grandfather his father.”

As first-time foster parents, all the usual questions, worries and concerns arose. “No one feels ready when they first start fostering. It can be overwhelming. Yet seeing the children grow and change as they heal, is wonderfully rewarding.” Kelly’s advice for new foster parents, “Be calm as possible, set expectations. Provide structure with comfort.”

Siblings to love

Next was a sister and brother who were seven and two years old. Fallon was quite young and a happy boy. The sister, however, suffered trauma growing up and was conditioned to accept cruel punishments. To get to a healthy place, she needed therapy. Therapies included sand play therapy, a hands-on approach for children who often cannot express their feelings in words. “It was so interesting to see how this therapy worked and how it helped Andrea.” Other therapies were included in her treatment and helped her flourish. “She was thriving and doing well in school. She and I got along well.”

Challenges happen

Until one day she had a visit with her mother. Her mother announced that she was pregnant. Andrea digressed quickly. She started to get in trouble at school. Kelly grew genuinely concerned. She found a quiet moment to talk to her. Kelly told her, “You have a lot of things going on in your life. I understand.” Andrea burst into tears, relieved that someone understood. Andrea’s deep pain stemmed from not understanding why her mother could keep her new baby with her but couldn’t have Andrea. “There’s so much happening in their lives. It’s important to look deeper at the behaviors of children in care.”

Seeking more support for Andrea, Kelly advocated to the Courts to help with different, direct therapies. Appealing to the court, tears in her eyes, “Let’s try something else. I’m willing to explore any avenues.” Instead, Andrea was sent to a different foster home. Fallon continued to stay with Kelly and Joey for about a year. He remained a happy boy, although too young to understand why his sister had to leave.

Reunification

During Andrea’s stay with the new foster parents, the parents made sure Kelly and Joey could keep in touch with her. It helped keep the siblings in touch and pleased Kelly and Joey to still be a part of her life. Eventually, both Andrea and Fallon reunified with their mother.

Sound advice for foster parents

All-encompassing love can be tough and even sometimes frightening. Regardless, Kelly advises, “Love the child as hard as you want. Learn how to blend and have that perspective of what it looks like. Then they all just fit in.”

For anyone thinking of becoming a foster parent or currently a foster parent, sound advice from Kelly. “Support is very important; stay connected with other foster parents so you know you are not alone.” Kelly received excellent support from Janice Nietzer, a well experienced foster parent. “There was no question that she didn’t answer” which eased Kelly’s mind.

While Kelly is no longer a foster parent, her heart is still with children in care. She joined Family Support Services as a Foster Home Recruitment Specialist. In this capacity, she can still help children find forever homes. “It’s so rewarding watching them change, grow, and find peace and happiness. And realizing you are a part of that.”

Special update from Kelly:

“On a side note, I saw the kiddos while I was up in New Jersey. My husband, my sister and I were able to take Fallon and Andrea (siblings) to Hibachi and on a shopping spree at 5 and below. They are doing great, the mom is doing great, and my husband and I felt such a sense of relief that we haven’t had before! We are now at the point with the mother that she will allow us to take the children any time we visit, and she stated that Fallon talks about us every day. ❤ The children are amazing; they are bilingual and excelling at school. Andrea has so many memories of us when she was younger (she was 7 years old) and Fallon was mad because he can’t remember; he was too little, lol. The children ask questions now about who we are and why they stayed with us. The answers always change depending on their age. Fallon asked if I’m his stepmom, and we came up with guardians as an answer to this. Reunification isn’t always the end of the story, sometimes it’s just the beginning.”

*Names of children have been changed for their privacy.

If you are interested in fostering, connect with recruitment@fsssuncoast.org.